The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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