His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
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In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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