Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
