i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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