Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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