the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i need some magic done to my vagina
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
