pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
