just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
