Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize