Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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