I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
