I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Less talking, more tequila
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
