I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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