these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
