I wish you could order shots online.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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