fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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