woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize