Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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