there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
