He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
