I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
