is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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