i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
