i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
