OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
