Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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