he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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