it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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