I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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