Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
