just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
