Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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