At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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