and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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