it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
