i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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