Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
