haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
