the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
