Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
