Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
