I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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