I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
