I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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