I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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