her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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