The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just google imaged poop.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
