It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize