angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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