My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
