Do you still have your period?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
