Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
