Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
