i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
