Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Are we still banned from the library?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was not drunk enough for that final.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
