If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
