There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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