i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
