guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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