she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
