Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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