I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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