I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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