please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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