I hate all girls vehemently.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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