you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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