I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Damn victory sex feels great
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
