He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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