getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
