the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
