Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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