Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
