I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize