...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
