Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
