I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
