Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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