My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
