It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
