is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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