The best revenge is premature balding
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Terrible idea I love it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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