She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
