Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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