One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
