I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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