Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
